


dear thomas

by reylofics



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Letters, Love Stories, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-04-29 09:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylofics/pseuds/reylofics
Summary: an alternate version of newt’s letter to thomas in the death cure. takes place after his death.tw ; reference to assisted suicide.





	dear thomas

**Author's Note:**

> i just finished watching the death cure, which probably makes me a fake fan. but, hey! i’ve read the BOOKS multiple times before, so that’s got to count for something, right?
> 
> anyways, i’ve shipped newtmas for a long time, now. the letter to thomas that they included in the movie seemed the perfect chance for me to write out newt and thomas’ relationship from start to finish, without writing an entire book. this probably won’t live up to anyone’s standards, but if you’re still reading this, i recommend that you keep reading and see if you like the following story. :))
> 
> (also, there’s a reference to thomas and theresa’s relationship because i wanted to, somewhat, stick to the original storyline of the book.)

_Dear Thomas,_

 

_this isn’t the first letter I’ve written. Or maybe it is. I really can’t remember—all my memories are jumbled up inside my head as I’m slowly dying. However, if this is the first letter, you should feel pretty special that I’m dedicating my one and only letter to you. I might not be able to remember if this is my first letter or not but I do know that, if you’re reading this, this is the last letter I’ll ever write._

_By now, you know that I’m dead and if you followed my request, you have killed me. In no way, shape, or form do I want you to feel regret for giving me peace by killing the virus inside me. You did the right thing. At this exact moment, I can feel my very soul being sucked from my body. You haven’t figured it out yet at the time that I’m writing this letter but I know you will, somehow. You were always the one to figure things out before anyone else could in the Maze. In some ways, that sucks. My mind is already jacked up, but the thought of losing you and everyone else around me makes me feel even more jacked. That’s why I won’t know what to say to you when you find out that I’m turning into a Crank. I’ve barely been able to process the thought of becoming a Crank, so how will you? It’s crazy how I’m the one who’s infected, yet I’m still so damn worried about your stupid arse._

_Don’t get me wrong, though. You may be stupid sometimes but you always do the right thing. Really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart. This probably sounds sappy and shit but you’re one of the best people that I know and that’s why it’s so hard to think that I’m going to be leaving you soon. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you, especially now that you’re going through all the trouble of reading this after all the pain that I’ve wrongfully caused you. I think of what would happen to me if I were to kill you because our roles suddenly became reversed; the very thought of doing such a horrid thing to someone who I consider quite special to me...it breaks my heart and I know it breaks yours, too. Tommy, I’m sorry for hurting you._

_Leaving you will be hard but remembering you before I go is even harder._

_Remembering everyone and everything before I go will be just as hard. The way that the sunlight hit the top of the trees in the Maze before it was suddenly whisked away and the way that the waves crashed upon the shore just before we left to go save Minho makes me feel sad about having to leave this world and all the good things in it. Our world seems like it’s turned to shit, yet I can’t help to think of all the beautiful things in it._

_You were one of those beautiful things. Tommy, you will always be my Greenie. In fact, I still remember the day that you came to the Maze. That day is as clear as clear can be in my mind. Not even the Flare can take you away from me._

_Even from that first day in the Maze, I knew we were destined to be friends. You reminded me of me and who I was before I started to conform to everyone’s else standards. From the start, you were so eager to explore everything and question the boys around you before you even stopped to take a look around. I’ll admit, I feared you because of how forward you were with everyone. As I came to know you though, I soon grew to admire those qualities and cherish them. I still do. Even as we’ve grown up and out of the Maze, you’ve carried those qualities with you. You’ve never stopped being the adventurous shank that I met in the Maze. That’s what I’ve always loved about you—your everlasting ability to never change._

_But before I get too off track—those first few days in the Maze, we tentatively became better friends than I had ever been with any of the other shanks in the Maze. You know what I’m going to say next: Then, Theresa came. I know you’d rather me not talk about her, especially considering the fact that you two are (hopefully) in a safe haven right now but still at some sort of odds but she was a vital part of our friendship growing into something more than what the other boys saw._

_Anyways, Theresa entered the Maze. It was pretty weird, what with her being the first girl that they had ever sent up to us before. All the other boys were fascinated with her. Most of us could barely recall what a girl even was, which was pitiful. To most everyone’s knowledge, all we knew was that girls had “boobs and lady parts” (Chuck’s words, not mine) and we didn’t. Truth be told, Gally and a couple of the other guys were devising a plan to screw her but it never happened. She never showed any interest in anyone but you and for good reason. Pretty soon, she was calling your name in her sleep and you two quickly became buddy-buddy. I was a little hurt by this and I didn’t really know why. It wasn’t like I had never had been replaced as a friend by other people and been hurt by it but it had never stung me quite as much as it stung when you left me for her. We were friends when you entered the Maze but we were only awkward acquaintances when we left. Tommy, I still remember the way you refused to look me in the eyes in the days following...You and Theresa, on the other hand, suddenly became in love._

_To be candor with you, I was happy when we left the Maze if that meant I would never have to see you or Theresa again. I had nothing against her except for the fact that she was the one stealing your heart. I also forgot to mention that, right before we left the Maze, I figured out that I was in love with you. I guess you could say that I came to terms with who I was and my feelings. Of course, you didn’t figure this out until much later._

_From the very beginning, I think I subconsciously knew that I was in love with you; I just didn’t want to admit it._

_When we finally escaped the Maze, everything went to shit as you most likely remember. You were there...so you obviously don’t need a long recap of everything that happened because I’m pretty sure it all happened the same way from both of our perspectives. Gally killed Chuck, WCKD had revealed that they (in some sort of way) trained you from a young age and Theresa turned out to be a traitor. Now that I think about it, it doesn’t seem like as big of a shock as we originally thought it all to be. Truthfully, I don’t see why we only skimmed the surface of questioning Theresa for being the only girl in the Maze. We, in retrospect, probably should’ve done more than saying “she’s a girl so she shouldn’t be here” and being compliant with not receiving an answer from her or you._

_Whatever, that’s not the point. After everything went to hell, everything seemed to go back to normal, for a while. You and I found our way back to each other in the comfort of each other’s arms. You were probably just looking for someone to comfort you after losing Theresa or you might’ve just missed me. Either way, we still bounced back to our original friendship even though some shitty things were still happening (including Minho being kidnapped. But I’m hoping we’ll find him, as I’m writing this.)_

_Anyways, (shit, I say ‘anyways’ a lot) we became friends again. I missed you. Somewhere along the road, we got closer and closer and it felt like we were getting to the place that I wanted to be with you. In the back of my mind, though, I always had this thought that I was just a rebound to replace your ex-girlfriend. Even though we were friends and nothing else, I still felt like the rebound._

_I don’t know if you remember this next memory but I certainly do. I remember we were eating breakfast in your tent, just you and I. Maybe it was my imagination or maybe it wasn’t, but you scooted closer to me than usual. Closer than friends should be. I remember leaning in and you closing your eyes for a split second in time. You looked so pretty, even with your egg breath and meat dangling from the fork in your hand, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kiss you. I don’t know if you remember this moment but if you do, I hope you understand my reasoning for not kissing you when I had the chance. The next couple of days, you were pretty distant and I feel like it had something to do with the almost kiss between us. Before I go, even though it’s pretty stupid, I wanted you what was going through my mind during this moment since you probably DO remember it. I want to leave you with the best memories of me instead of the worst._

_Besides, it’s not like we never kissed after that day. A month after that, we had our first bloody kiss. I don’t know why I remember these memories so clearly but I do. We were sitting by the campfire after everyone had cleared out and I was laughing at one of your shit jokes. Out of nowhere, you kissed me with your hot chocolate breath and as I write this, it’s almost like I can still feel the taste of you on my breath. Tommy, you were my first real kiss. Sure, I shared a kiss with one or two other shanks in the Glade but none of them compared to you. Plus, I didn’t shag any of them afterwards. Not that I’ve ever shagged anyone before._

_You were my first kiss and are still my first and only love. The other boys would kill me if we were to tell them that we not only kissed but shagged in Minho’s tent afterwards. As far as everybody else knows, our relationship started with a kiss and ended with nothing else. Frankly, I’d like it to stay like that but I still find it funny that they didn’t question the screams that you pounded into me when we went in our tent...Just kidding. We weren’t that loud. But it’s still funny to me. Memories like our first kiss and even our first shag give me comfort when I know I’m dying._

_Tommy, you make me feel alive. I want you to know that I fought until the end to stay with you and I’m sorry for putting you through any pain. I love you. Writing this hurts because I know that, if you’re reading this, I’ll have left you in physical form. I will always be with you in spirit, but I know a piece of me will be missing from you. Already, a piece of me is missing from me. If there was anything that I wanted you to take away from this letter, it’s that I love you and please, never change. My heart breaks while I write this but my heart will infinitely be yours._

_Tommy, you are my love, forever and always._

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if you read this and it totally sucked. if, by chance, you actually liked the story, please give it a kudos and/or comment! <3 xx
> 
> update: this story was originally written on april 29th, 2018 but has since been edited.


End file.
